Well, this is awkward.

We’re back at the office, yet our social skills seem to have stayed home. Or maybe it’s just that the rules and boundaries have changed.

Before, it was automatic to reach for someone’s hand when meeting, or grab a seat next to a co-worker in the conference room, says Dana Brownlee, founder of Professionalism Matters,...

Well, this is awkward.

We’re back at the office, yet our social skills seem to have stayed home. Or maybe it’s just that the rules and boundaries have changed.

Before, it was automatic to reach for someone’s hand when meeting, or grab a seat next to a co-worker in the conference room, says Dana Brownlee, founder of Professionalism Matters, a corporate-training company in Atlanta. Now, daily office interactions have the potential to seriously offend. “Like where’s my 3 feet?” she says.

Some of us harbor anxiety about being back, are scared of making at-risk family members sick, or are just rusty at being around people. While we were at home, our professional networks shrank and our worlds got smaller.

“Are your relationships the same? Are they somehow different after not seeing them for so long?” asks Heather Vough, a management professor at George Mason University who has studied social gaffes in the workplace. “We’re not used to hanging out with our co-workers anymore.”

And yet, we’ve got to figure it out. Here’s your guide to deftly, politely, persuasively navigating the thorniest return-to-work moments.

Saying Hi

Don’t assume someone wants a hug or even a handshake, says Daniel Post Senning, author of several etiquette books and the great-great-grandson of manners guru Emily Post. Instead, ask: “It is so good to see you. Are we shaking hands?”

If you go in for a handshake, and the other person pulls back, apologize. Explain that you didn’t mean to make them feel uncomfortable. And don’t fret too much, Mr. Senning says.

Another option: confess your own awkwardness.

“It makes the other person feel better,” says Vanessa Bohns, a professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University and author of “You Have More Influence Than You Think.” “When the other person feels better, they like you more.”

Too Close

Comfortable social distance is about a foot-and-a-half, Mr. Senning says—at least it was, pre-Covid. How to handle a close talker now? It’s completely appropriate to take a step back and explain that you’re getting used to being around people again, he says.

Say, “ ‘I’m more comfortable if we can stand a little further apart,’ ” he advises, adding that people are used to hearing that these days.

Watch for how the other person reacts. If they seem annoyed, say, “ ‘Oh gosh, can I just pause?’ ” says

Megan Reitz, a professor of leadership and dialogue at Holt International Business School. “ ‘Can I just check, what did you think of what I just said? Are you ok with that?’ ”
Masking Up

If you’re asking someone to put on a mask in the office during a meeting, make clear that you aren’t rejecting them in any way or singling them out, says Dr. Bohns. Explain that you told yourself you’d say something to anyone who wasn’t following workplace or local rules.

Or go with the it’s-not-you-it’s-me approach. Note that you’re being especially careful because a family member is immunocompromised, or whatever you’re personally concerned about. Or emphasize that you’re trying to protect office mates from your own kids’ school exposure.

“It’s not like, ‘I feel you’re the germy one.’ I might be the germy one,” Dr. Bohns says.

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS

How are you navigating the return to the office? Join the conversation below.

If your request doesn’t land well, offer alternatives. You understand they don’t want to wear a mask and that it’s frustrating. Maybe you two could try for a Zoom call from your separate offices instead of meeting in person?

The Big Question

Yes, you can ask a co-worker if they’re vaccinated. Doing so isn’t a violation of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, or HIPAA, says Kate Bischoff, a Minneapolis employment lawyer and founder of human-resources consulting firm K8bisch.

More complicated is when an employee asks a manager about a colleague’s vaccination status. In that case, the manager must stick to Americans with Disabilities Act provisions that prohibit disclosing a specific employee’s individual health information, Ms. Bischoff says.

“Make no assumptions about hugs or handshakes. Ask instead: ‘It is so good to see you. Are we shaking hands?’”

— Daniel Post Senning, etiquette expert

Managers can say, “You are in a safe environment, your co-workers are vaccinated,” she adds.

And managers can ask employees their vaccination status if there’s a business necessity, which could include keeping people safe at the office. Ms. Bischoff recommends bosses tee up the conversation by explaining how the pandemic has affected the organization. They can also explain that they anticipate the company will be subject to a mandate soon, and that they want to keep workers safe. She also recommends that human-resources workers are the ones who ask to see vaccine cards during one-on-one meetings.

Mr. Senning says that from an etiquette perspective, talking about vaccines isn’t taboo.

“It’s a public-health crisis,” he says. If you want to soften the approach, first ask for permission to ask them about it. Something like: “I’m curious. Are you willing to talk about your vaccination status?”

Are You Having Fun Yet?

It’s the first team happy hour since March 2020. Everyone’s finally together. And they all seem miserable.

What’s a boss to do?

“You’ve got to be willing to change on a dime,” says Ms. Brownlee, the corporate trainer.

If co-workers are standing apart and staring down at their drinks, tell them you’re picking up the vibe that this isn’t quite working. What do they think? Would they rather shift outdoors? Is the timing off?

Prevent future mishaps by chatting with a couple of plugged-in teammates before the next event to get a sense of how people are feeling, Ms. Brownlee suggests. They may need a more serious group conversation instead of a party, or a daytime event instead of a dinner that scrambles their evening family time. Use anonymous surveys to gather honest opinions.

If you’re the one for whom small talk feels strange, mimic others’ cues—for example, don a mask if your conversation partner does—and ask people questions rather than delivering a monologue. You can also just be honest, Ms. Brownlee says.

“There’s nothing wrong with saying, ‘I’m a little rusty. How about you?’ ”

Write to Rachel Feintzeig at rachel.feintzeig@wsj.com